Holiday Heartache

If I am really honest with myself, the holidays always makes me think about family...and the holidays always makes me think about starting a family. I imagine us going to pick out the perfect tree, prepping it within my house, having the kids help decorate. I have imagined building a Christmas village with one piece added each year, getting the fake snow and lighting up the whole village. I have imagined decorating my house for each season that goes by and creating special events like cookie making and other baking, arts and crafts, and of course parties and dinners.

I want to do wholesome things like going to light shows, going to see reindeer, in the fall going to pick apples and pumpkins...I want to do all the things that I wasn't exposed to, and also those things I never really got to experience. I want my family to be festive, enjoy the seasons, nature and most of all life. I never thought I'd be ultra cheesy and desire all of these things, but I'll admit I want them. I'll admit I want a close knit family. I'll admit I am going to be one those mothers you love when you're small, are annoyed with as you get older, but appreciate when you become an adult.

I haven't decided how long I will want to keep my kids home schooled and how long I want to be a homemaker, but I know that these are other things that I believe are crucial in a child's development and development as a family unit.

So it disturbs me to think that I might not have that for another few years depending on how things pan out. I am ready to settle down but not at the expense of being miserable or not with the thought that there is a hint of doubt in the relationship about being together.

I figure that even though I've waited long, I HAVE waited this long, and it won't kill me to wait just little bit longer. To hold out for more, in the short run, so that I will be satisfied in the long run.

So for my ladies (and fellas) in the same situation keep the faith. It is WELL worth the wait when it is for the RIGHT person. And I'm not saying it's going to be easier with the right person, but more productive and more rewarding in the long run.