Marriage - So what is the point?

I know that I am being a little cynical this morning, but what started as that ended in revelation. What is the point of marriage? With so many people divorcing, on the verge of divorce, separation etc, what is the point of marriage?

Even my current pastor has said on more than one occassion marriage doesn't necessarily get rid of your "burn", meaning marriage is not even about sex. He said that it was only 10% or less about sex. Someone else once told me that marriage is supernatural--that a man (and woman) can only really be faithful with the help of God. So then I ask again what is the point? I'm not saying that I think that marriage should be about sex, but it should be a perk for a Christian right?

I guess where my question is really coming from is what is the point of sharing yourself--your thoughts, your feelings, your perspective, your likes and dislikes etc--if you are never sure that the other person is really reciprocating those things to you? If that other person is holding back? Doesn't that make them a fraud? Even if they are holding back their true selves until AFTER you get married, how is that fair to anyone? How do you ever really know? I guess that's where God comes in again right--marrying the right person who is going to be transparent.

Is the point of marriage having a really nice wedding? Like someone said to me: wedding = one day. Marriage = a lifetime. Which should you really prepare for?

Is the point to just take the "next step" in the relationship? Because it is just the next natural step in life? Who made those "next step" rules up anyway? Society? Well even that doesn't really stand because over the course of the last couple of decades the "next step" has become college first, family later.

Is the point just to have children? Well anyone can have children--just look at Nadia Suleman (the octuplet crazy--I mean lady)--you don't even need a boyfriend--just a friend to donate sperm, and not even that much--you can visit a sperm bank. So the point is not to have children, though again it is a nice perk to have someone help you raise them.

Is the point to start a "family"? What is a family really though? Family = more work. You can't just go out and start a family. Starting a family and keeping a family together is hard work and can really tank a relationship with your spouse as you both get caught up in the mundane daily tasks of life. Some couples never even have families, so starting a family isn't the reason for everyone.

Is the point to have eternal companionship? In the last church that I went to a married woman told me that at moments she has never felt more alone than she has as a married woman. So is the point to have someone to understand you? She went on to say that even though her husband knows her well, sometimes they don't speak the same language.

So then is the point to be with someone who has the same goals and likes? Marriage transforms you. Time transforms you. Life transforms you. Things happen and dissolve plans and likes may change. And on top of that the same person you wanted to run with when you first began, may be someone that you split paths with down the road.

I am not here to dissolve the idea of marriage or the sanctity of it. I guess the conclusion that I have drawn over time is that marriage doesn't solve any of your problems--whether it be financial, stability, emotional etc--all of those things are subject to change with time. I think this is why so many marriages end in divorce and why some of the ones who stick with it struggle so much--because they went into marriage with the wrong idea. They went into marriage placing all the emphasis, trust, and faith into their spouse--this is why if the spouse loses their ability to solve their problems, the whole relationship goes south.

God tells us to not put our trust in any man (Psalms 146:3-4). If you are to marry you are supposed to marry the one who God says is yours and you are supposed to trust the GOD in the them--so if they do not have God, or a limited amount of God, then you are only putting your trust in them and therefore setting yourself up for disappointment. A man/woman is human and they are bound to screw up (even if it is not intentionally), even if they mean well. That person is also not going to understand you--no one can understand you better than your Maker (Matthew 10:30). God tells us to trust in Him and to not lean on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Marriage is a wonderful experience, however if you don't put your trust in God's ability to fix your problems, relying on someone else will become a nightmare. Marriage will not fulfill you as a person and it was not designed to fulfill your life. God was designed to fulfill you. The plans He has for you were designed to fulfill your life (Jeremiah 29:11). God was designed to complete you. Marriage is just the added bonus of life, and was really designed to make you experience God on a whole new level.

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