More than a week ago I felt God lift a huge weight from my spirit, from my shoulders, from my whole disposition. I know that I have been in turmoil about our break up, but I wasn’t sure why. In totally anguish, particularly about my finances, I asked the Lord to give me a glimmer of hope that things would get better, that I wouldn’t always be sad, that I wouldn’t always struggle so much. I expected God to give me a vision about the future. The last thing I would ask for or expect was God’s peace which ended up being far greater than a glimpse into the future.
After receiving God’s peace, the peace that truly passes all understanding, I realized that for the last two months I have been under deep stress and under a rain cloud––all because I had no peace about the break up. While I was relieved and believed the break up was for the better, I still had no peace about it. I still doubted my decision, not knowing if it was 100% sound, not knowing if I had the right motives. I wrestled constantly in my head and felt as though a huge burden weighed me down.
But when God’s peace entered the picture, the clouds evaporated, and the burden was lifted. I never knew how important peace was until now. God’s peace is like the eye of a hurricane––sunny and peaceful right in the midst of the storm. I didn’t even realize I had been carrying such a heavy burden. God’s yoke is much easier than my own. I wish I would have cast my burdens onto Him a lot sooner.
I realize that lately God has been reminding me that when I allow Him to be in control and don’t attempt to try to sort through the landfill of problems I have, life is less stressful. After all Jesus said you can’t change anything by stressing about it. Don’t worry about tomorrow, He said. So why does it seem that the older we become, the more fear, anxiety, and worry sets in? Why can’t we still be responsible, but not burden ourselves with all of the stress? It is probably because as we age, we tend to acquire more responsibilities, and thus have more things to control.
This week, more than once God reminded me of The Lord’s Prayer that says “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done.” The prayer doesn’t say my will be done. This means that every day I should ask God to take the reins of my life. I should be seeking what His will is day to day instead of lamenting over my own limited perspective of my problems. I realized today that regardless of how much I try to control my life, God has a better plan and will not allow me to get too far off track. I definitely have to work on this, but for now, I am enjoying my peace.
The best kind of peace leaves you speechless, the kind of peace that says come hell or high water, everything will be all right. I thank God for His peace, and for keeping me through this really hard time and I praise Him in advance for keeping me. I feel so much freer, liberated. I want to spin around and dance in the middle of a field. Truly my mourning has become dancing again, and once again He has given me the garment of praise. If I had 10,000 tongues it would be enough to thank Him for all that He's done and all that He's doing and all that is to come. To my Father in Heaven who is the only one who keeps me, thank you for the Prince of Peace.
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